just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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