I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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