The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
