**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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