thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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