Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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