Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
