my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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