pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
