Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
