Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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