I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
