Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
