I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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