all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
