oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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