i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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