definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
