every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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