i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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