Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
