Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
