I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
