Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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