So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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