i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
