i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
