Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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