Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
