Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you didnt know i had herpes?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just pee around me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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