Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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