I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
