I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
