So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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