he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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