I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
