my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
