1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Say something about gay babies.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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