I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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