ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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