What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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