I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
