My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
