oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
