so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i dont even know how to be here
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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