Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
