She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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