508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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