her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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