We got so high we made milksteak
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
