I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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