I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
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Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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