Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
