i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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