I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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