HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
