do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
