Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I could make wine with my vomit
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
