Pappa wants mamma naked
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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